Trust

Trust is an interesting thing. What constitutes a breach of trust, especially in the context of a couple that share a space?

It seems obvious that a lie is a breach of trust. Lies are bad, right? Any small child will tell you so. While glaring untruths are fairly cut-and-dry, what of a lie by omission? Still a breach of trust, or just annoying and inadvisable? In what level of detail are we expected to inform others of our movements, friends and activities in order to avoid the dreaded omission?
It probably depends on the context, but I think if any information that one would reasonably expect is omitted and that omission goes on to alter the decision-making process, it constitutes a breach of trust.

Relationships are a contract. Sounds detached but there you have it. I'll provide you with companionship and financial security for as long as we mutually benefit. Mutual benefit can be defined in practical terms; money, or getting booty, convenience - it depends on the relationship. However, many romantic relationships in particular, but friendships too, can be and are defined also in emotional terms. Being "in love" is often a term of serious romantic relationships. That is to say, if one or both parties feels that they are no longer in love with their partner, they are entitled to end the relationship. Other common terms of romantic relationships include fidelity - if it is found that one partner is not monogamous when the understanding was that they ought to be, is that enough of a breach of contract to end the relationship? If the understanding was that sexual partners outside the relationship are permissable given all parties are aware of the situation and it is found that one person is having a sexual relationship without informing their partner, is that enough?

How about privacy? It's something we often don't articulate, but probably should in the interests of clear boundaries. Privacy seems easier to manage in separate houses - I won't rummage through your shit and you'll give me the same consideration. But it's much the same in a shared space. The main difference in a shared space is the likelihood of accidentally coming across something in the course of a normal day or while searching for something else. Letters, CDs, phones and laptops are all things that can lead to questions about the appropriate way forward.
Here's my rule:
If it's not addressed to you, then put it away.
Is that so hard? If you're looking on your partners email account for something with their permission, do it and log off. Don't read anything else. And for God's sake, should you find a very personal letter addressed to your better half and it is immediately obvious that it was never meant for you and that you have no business whatsoever reading it, then DON'T read it, give it to her and if you're dying to know ASK. Respect is something earned and I guarantee you'll get points for doing the big-kid thing and asking permission rather than coming off as a snoop.

Trust is, to me, like respect. Everybody starts at a base level and works their way up, some faster than others. It takes a long time to build, and only one stupid act to tear it down.

I understand the temptation to snoop. Anything from simple curiosity to suspicions of cheating can lead someone to take a peek at something they know they shouldn't. I know there have been times that I've been left with someone's phone or Facebook had been left logged in, and there is a definite temptation to have a look around. It might be just curiosity but even so I find it important to respect the privacy of others as they should respect mine. I'm not hiding anything, I'll answer any questions put to me, but I'll answer on my terms, not through having an uninvited spectator sitting in on private conversations.

This is why it angered me when, on briefly explaining the situation to my housemate, she answered that I shouldn't be upset at someone reading something they were well aware they shouldn't be because she does it to her boyfriend all the time and he's weird for not doing it to her. Why does this anger me?
Because while I'm not knocking what goes in her relationship, that shit does NOT fly with me. Last I checked, my relationship is based on mutual respect, and (to me) respecting personal boundaries goes with that territory. I do not believe I am alone in this.

So the way forward? Be clear with your expectations and expect them to be met as you strive to meet those expectations in yourself. Mistakes will always be made, but trust and respect are too precious to squander.

Tattoo designs slash I love watercolours!

I've been looking at different tattoo designs. While I'm still to decide on one, I found the above watercolour of a fox and have absolutely fallen in love with it! I found a few others that I liked too in a similar style, but this just speaks volumes to me and I absolutely want it on a canvas or something!! The one below is also beautiful in a similar way. I love the simplicity, where the colour speaks far more than any solid lines. Cherry blossoms are my other favourite watercolour, in the style of japanese art.

So why a tattoo? Well, I don't know. I've always been fascinated by beautiful artwork, and I've always loved the idea of a (tasteful) tattoo. I don't know why I've suddenly decided to act on it now. It just feels right. I know my mum will flip out, but I don't care. She'll say her piece five times over and that'll be that, apart from the occasional dark comment if she happens to see it. After all, what am I gonna do, wash it off?

At this point I'm thinking I'll get a bunny rabbit, or (very maybe) a pawprint. I'm definitely leaning toward the bunny though!!! The main ones I'm leaning toward are as follows:

Minus the blood and possibly the red eye... Could possibly make it a white rabbit with a black outline, or keep it as is. I really like this image though, although it's quite simple it's also very realistic.

The other major contender! I love the way the nose is the only part with colour, and the rest is all shading. I'd probably remove the spirals though.

So... thoughts?

Who am I?

Well, I'm me. But who's that? We all have so many different faces, different masks we put on depending on where we are and who we're with. Employee me is different to girlfriend me is different to sister me is different to daughter me is different to housemate me. What's real?

I think it's interesting that our very awareness of this predicament shapes our response to it. I find often it is the people that have never consciously considered the above who have the strongest sense of self. Because these transitions have always been unconscious, these people are often the ones who have the best idea of who and what they are.

Does one define themselves through action?
In that case, I'm a student. More specifically, I'm an undergraduate arts student. I also volunteer my Friday evenings and several weekends a school term as an adult leader at my Scout group. I visit my parents once a week and my grandparents once a fortnight, although I'd like to do so more. I'm in a committed relationship with a man I truly love, and we moved in together in December of last year. I'm a pet owner - Shane and I co-own two very adorable, very naughty rabbits who are barely approaching half a year old. I've attended rallies for the past few years campaigning for equal marriage rights for same-sex couples as well as campaigned for a more general level of equality for minorities across the board. I have a tongue piercing, and I wear a lot of black. I work in a bookshop.

I find that the above is usually my response to the question "so tell me about yourself". But there's so much of myself that actions don't and can't express. Actions are totally inadequate in defining and explaining who I am.

So does one define themselves through thought and emotion?
In that case, I'm bisexual. I find myself attracted to both men and women. While I embrace the nicer of the so-called "Christian principles", the Christian religion itself appalls me. I identify primarily as Wiccan, although I am presently not a practicing Wiccan. The theology of the religion strongly resonates with me. Its core principle and "golden rule" so to speak is
     "an it harm none, do what ye will." I try and live this in my life as much as I can, but like everyone else I am only human and I struggle at times. 
I don't believe in the death penalty. Ever. I strongly condemn wanton violence and unnecessary bloodshed. I'm not sure that I know what constitutes "necessary" bloodshed. I believe in monogamy, in marriage, in the nuclear family. That said, I hold nothing against those who decide that it's not for them. Consenting adults ought to be able to do as they wish, and when it comes to family structure children are amazingly resilient and accepting.
I believe religious instruction - all forms of it - should be kept out of school. I support the notion of "religion education" in the sense of an overview of multiple religions in order to give children a perspective they may not have had before, but without prejudice and without bias. 

I look at the above, and I can't help but feel that it still doesn't encapsulate what I am, who I am. No doubt, it is a combination of my thoughts and my actions that define me. My latest theory is that it is our goals that really show who we are, because they show us what we value.

So what are my goals?
I want to graduate from uni.
I want to make my garden stronger and healthier.
I want to continue volunteering at Scouts indefinitely.
I want to be one of the voices that makes marriage equality a reality.
I want to watch my rabbits grow up and progress through their life.
I want to work to strengthen my relationship that it may truly last the distance.
I want to travel to Europe, preferably for a year.
I want to become more discerning, more thoughtful, more aware of my actions.
I want to be a better person.
I want to be a mother and a wife.
I want to understand myself so that others can understand me.

So you tell me;who am I?