Well, it's been a while.
Much has changed. Much has stayed the same.
I am no longer in a relationship.
I am still in love.
I am no longer living on Melvista Ave, in Nedlands.
I am still depressed.
I still feel alone.
I still feel like I have nobody.
Much has changed, and yet so much has stayed the same.
I have broken up with Shane, and we have gone our separate ways. But things have been getting harder with every progressive day. It takes me longer to get out of bed every morning, it becomes easier to fall into it each night.
I don't feel hungry any more. I eat out of habit alone. I feel as if my meds are doing less and less each day, but if I stop taking them I feel angry and sick.
I miss my Shane. I miss how he used to understand me and hold me close and make me feel so safe.
I've called him several times in the last few days and have tried to see him. He's been so busy, with prac and organising a new place. He isn't free to see me until the weekend. I fear that is too far away.
I don't know if I can make it that long without a miracle.
I have tried to be my own miracle for so long but I have no more strength now.
I have written notes to the people I love apologising and trying to explain. Explain my reasons for ending my life.
I cannot even cry any more.
This feels like the end.
