Also in related news, it turns out the DoT has cancelled my car rego :/

In all likelihood I will now have to put the car over the pits due to THEIR error.

I am less than pleased D:

This feels like it will be both drawn-out and costly, and with everything else going on and uni going back, I just don't know if I can deal with much more on my plate right now...

Getting mighty annoyed with life.

Facebook told me my friend, or former friend, I'm actually not entirely sure any more - has moved out. I'm happy for him.

The same post also asked if anybody had any tips for him.

I've held my tongue in an attempt not to be nasty or come across as bitter, because that's not how I feel.

But now that it seems relevant to a couple of people in my life, let me lay out Imperfect Ash's Golden Rules You Need To Know Out Of Home:

1. You can't just stop paying rent or stop talking to your housemates because "something feels weird" so probably best to steer clear of that sort of commitment if you're incapable of actually sticking something out. Fairweather friends make for shitty housemates. Welcome to the real world, where people expect you to see something through when you make a commitment.

2. Don't take advantage of other people's money and stuff. We all borrow sometimes. But if you want to drink a whole jar of expensive chai, Ash suggests buying your own rather than drinking hers without asking.

I'm not mad, or bitter. Just wistful.

I have everything I could want in Angus, he makes me feel safe, loved, valued and happy. He makes me laugh. He touches me in public. He shows me off to his friends. He's not perfect, sometimes he frustrates the crap out of me but he wears his heart on his sleeve and we mean the world to each other.

Jay says he thinks Jacob is a bit cooler than Angus, and so he likes Jacob better. I actually don't blame him. Jacob is a hell of a cool dude. I know he's been messaging Jay, Jay asked me if I was okay with it and I'm actually really excited they still talk.

I don't miss anything about our relationship, not a single thing. A lot of it was very hard, or didn't sit well. What I have now feels incredibly natural in comparison.

However, what I miss is my friend. 

I miss our chats and hanging out and talking about all manner of things.

But I don't miss it enough not to be a bit dark about everything that's happened, the patterns, and the fact that the same things happened again and again no matter how sorry we apparently were.

I don't have time for people who don't have time for me.

It seems every time something bad has happened the number one consistent thing I've noticed is I've looked around and the one person who promised to be there hasn't been.

I'm not mad, I'm not bitter, but it does make me sad.

I miss my friend, and I'm glad he and Jay are talking, but it does hurt to be ignored when so much is going on. Not even so much as an, "I hope you're doing okay."

I guess in the end he said it best when he said that I cared too much and people would take advantage.

I didn't think that was what it was but as time as gone on what am I supposed to think?

Seems like friendship only came first for me.

Found out tonight they put Omi in a home.

Unhappy. She only told me because I said I was going to go visit.

Dad goes for another CT tomorrow morning.

I feel like everything is falling apart.

Been having nightmares every night. Really need some friends to talk to right now.

Meeting Alice for lunch, then working tonight with Angus. Going away this weekend with him, Caris and Dylan.

Meeting Phillip next Wednesday morning too :) but I've barely been able to speak to him for the last few weeks, I thought I'd wronged him terribly :/

I miss talking to Jacob but it is what it is. My dad had a brain haemorrhage.
Ah no, hope he's okay!
Fair enough, I'll stop now. Have a good one :/

Need to help Bridget out with her centrelink application sometime.

Have told Ed to not speak to me or contact me in any way shape or form for the next while... a message which he replied to *sigh*

Reminds me of Dash. I think he's causing a lot of the nightmares as well as the other stuff.

Having a really hard time.

Feeling so flat.

I guess it's all catching up to me now.

So alone.

Just want a hug and someone to talk to but everyone is busy or seemingly doesn't care.

I don't know what to do :(

I just want to cry.

I feel like the worst daughter ever. I still haven't seen my dad in hospital. He's allowed visitors now. 

Instead, I'm going on a double date tonight. It's been in the works since before dad, and I've had nothing on today worth not seeing him, but I haven't. 

I'm the worst person. 

I just want everything to be okay.

:/

My dad is in critical care in hospital.

He's had a subdural brain haemorrhage and has come out of surgery but we still can't see him.

I now have two relatives in hospital and a friend dead, within a week.

I've been better :(

Matt's photo is all over the paper today. I can't believe it :( burnt to death, what a way to go :(

Seems like I've been averaging one a year since Amber died. I miss Amber so, so much :( every time I lose someone else I think of her.

I'm seeing Angus tonight, we were supposed to catch a movie then I was going to make dinner and we might wander over to the pirate bar. Now I just don't know :/ I just want to sit and think about them.

I just want a hug.

What do we do when we lose somebody else?

When somebody dies in a freak accident at a shopping centre?

Burned alive...

Tragic.

I can't even comprehend.

I just need a hug :(

I just need a friend :(