Boyfriend material

A phrase has cropped up a few times over the last week or so.

"boyfriend material".

I'm not sure what boyfriend material looks like, so I attached photos of a possible specimen, as modelled by the lovely Rebecca.

I feel as though I'm coming under fire from someone close to me for refusing to budge on the relationship issue. In short, I'm seeing someone but I don't want to make it official. Why not? There are reasons. I find writing it out helps me make it clear in my own head, which makes it easier to verbalise. If the person in question reads it directly then that is also one less jump to be mishandled by me or misunderstood at the other end.

So.

First and foremost, the biggest reason I don't want to be in a relationship right now - with anyone - is that quite frankly I have enough on my plate with just me right now. I cannot in good conscience inflict this emotional mess on anyone. Jesus himself could propose to me and I'd turn him down flat. Fact.
Right now, I can think of no faster way to end a relationship with me than to be in one.

So the first reason I don't want to be in a relationship right now is internal. It is not a comment on anyone's suitability other than my own. Let me make this point painfully clear. It is me who is in the wrong place.

Why else? There are pressures and responsibilities in relationships that simply aren't there otherwise. Dealing with extended family is a big one for me. I miss my last lot of in-laws, I'm not ready for a fresh batch. There's also having to factor another person into all your decisions. I've been doing a LOT of looking out for other people lately, and I just want to think about me for a while. Not keen.

Then there comes that phrase again - "boyfriend material". What does that even mean? Is there some kind of standardised test? Is boyfriend material a pure wool, or more of a cotton blend?
I think the crux of the issue here is that not being boyfriend material places the emphasis on the other person - wrongly.
Are there faults there I don't want to be in a relationship with? Absolutely.
But that's not to say that I would be so affected were I in a better place. This boyfriend material thing places emphasis on an innate quality within a dude. A quality I don't think is there.

I left a relationship not so long ago. This relationship was with the greatest boyfriend I have ever had. He is smart, funny, kind, caring, probably the definition of boyfriend material.
We couldn't make it work. Maybe we could have, if we hadn't broken up when we did. But we couldn't and we did. So who had the problem?
Probably me, right?

So I'm not going to inflict myself as a girlfriend on anyone.

Here's the thing though. I'm in love. I am very much in love. Never doubt my capacity for such emotional gooiness.