Camp

I had a good weekend away with the scouts this long weekend just gone. Had a good time, even bringing Andrew to hospital on Sunday was fun.
I was worrying about how things would go with Troy, but they were really good. We got along well and had fun, you can't ask for much more than that. We also had a long heart-to-heart Sunday night, which I think cleared the air and improved things even further.

The worst things about the weekend were before camp began and after it finished.
Before I left on Friday, I was faced with a barrage of criticism and negativity. It came close - perhaps very close - to an ultimatum being issued to me. I'm still not sure what my choices would have been. To totally give up on my friendship with Troy? That would, at this juncture in time, mean me leaving my troop. That's not going to happen. Or what? Lose another friendship, a different relationship that I care very deeply about.

I have a rule about ultimatums. Never choose the person who asked you to make that choice. To demand that I take some action, whatever it may be, or be punished by the withdrawal of friendship shows a lack of respect for my free agency and is a power play. If that approach works for someone once, does that make them more likely to make another ultimatum in the future? And another and another?
I will not be bullied into making decisions with serious repercussions for people around me. And it would be bullying.

That started my weekend on a bad note, but my eagerness to get away and the kids good humour soon took over my earlier pain.
I returned on Sunday to major dramas at my parents house. I was yelled and sworn at for something I didn't do. I had to call Troy so he could come smooth things over. Shane came over too and gave me a massive hug, and we sorted out the last of our finances. Again, all was well despite setbacks.

Then I got back to Louise st to find conversation stilted and intentions misread and mishandled. All I wanted was to cuddle and talk, but that wasn't to be. I went to bed confused, frustrated and deeply upset. I woke early this morning to find the situation much the same.

I know that part of the blame - perhaps most of it - lies with me for perhaps being unclear last night with how strong my desire to stay in was. I am tired and sore after the weekend, and that translates to being over emotional. So it also happens that I've been perhaps taking things more personally than intended, or not realising that really, it's of no consequence. I've also been of my meds for over a week now, and I'm starting to seriously feel the withdrawal symptoms.

Tonight I need to try and express my grievances as well as express what I feel is the way I have contributed to the problem. Hopefully, with time, sleep, all will be well once more. I'm filled with optimism and I can't wait to just sit down, talk for hours and rest.