Today, my doctor upped my dose of antidepressants by half.
It is exhausting to try and pour out your soul to somebody who is virtually a stranger. My doctor, Allison Stubbs, is wonderful and very kind. I trust her judgement and feel open with her, but it is still a very difficult process to create treatment plans and discuss options.
I feel the distance between me and other people, the gaping void that separates me from them. But I am not sad, or afraid. Instead, I enjoy the quiet that comes with the peaceful notion that I am an island. That right now, nothing can touch me if I choose not to let it.
Can't wait to have a drink and get a little bent tonight. I know I will be quiet and still, and I know that chatter and annoyances will irritate me greatly. My best bet is to put on a movie and tune out the world.
I may be quiet, introspective, and still but I am perfectly happy in my own world for now, and I'm not looking forward to being pulled out of it by having to entertain other people. I'm not unhappy, I'm not sad or distressed in any way. Quite conversely, I am feeling totally at peace and like nothing can shake it.
Peace in all things.
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