I'm a member - albeit arguably - of four minorities. Firstly, my identity as the "B" in LGBT community places me firmly and inarguably in the category of sexual minorities. I'm subject to and affected by all the anti-LGBT diatribe we all know and love from the community at large. Worse, being bisexual I cop flak from my own "side" (though I don't think there are any sides really, which I'm sure I'll talk about another time). So in addition to belonging to a sexual minority, I also can belong to a minority within that minority. Minorityception.
There is tremendous support for bisexuals in much of the GLBT scene which I don't want to discount, but that undercurrent of resentment from monosexuals both straight and gay seems to resonate toward bisexuals in particular. We - bisexual women particularly - are fetishised by straight males and made into sex objects. We are called easy, greedy, unreliable, confused. Lesbians are often hesitant to be in a relationship with a bisexual woman, sometimes believing that she will take the easy way out and settle down with a man eventually. That in a straight relationship you cannot and do not feel the weight of institutionalised homophobia or are somehow immune to all the negative aspects of being anything other than straight because you're so busy lapping up so-called "straight privilege".
These are generalisations and misconceptions, and they hurt. I struggle, and have struggled, with my own self-worth and I believe this anti-bisexual sentiment to be a key factor.
Secondly, I'm a sexual abuse survivor - sadly, on a number of occasions. I have difficulty ascertaining the true extent of the damage this has done to me because, in truth, it feels as though it has touched all aspects of my life. But the most trying thing day-to-day, I have noticed, are rape "jokes" and other things that make light of abuse. I also keenly feel it when names used to shame women about their bodies are used out of context. Calling women you don't know sluts, whores or dogs because you don't like how they look, or they cut you off on the road makes me feel uncomfortable and angry. These words are used to keep women down because they imply a judgement about a woman's moral worth based on her having free agency over her body. It is NOT the same as calling a man a bastard or a dickhead. These things do not imply moral corruption in the way that calling a woman a whore does. Calling a woman a whore doesn't just communicate that you disapprove of their actions, or don't like them very much. Instead, it communicates that they are morally corrupt for taking ownership of their bodies. To hear it used flippantly, in no relation to a woman's character beyond a glance from behind a car windshield, disgusts me.
Thirdly, and more arguably, I belong to the minority that is my gender. Sure, we make up half the world's population, so in that sense not a minority at all, but in terms of the power wielded we are sadly lacking. The social conditioning we are exposed to every day tells women awful things about themselves every day. It tells us that we need to make ourselves attractive in order to find a man, and if we lack sexual command or lack the desire to conform to the bar set by the media, we are worthless. They don't even have the decency to do this covertly, but explicitly. This is something I feel keenly. We are still left behind in so many ways. Feminism is not a dirty word, but it seems to be something that is downplayed by many.
Lastly, I have a mental illness. It seems kinda heavy when you put it like that, but that's what it is. I've struggled with depression for so many years, but it's been particularly bad this last eight months or so. Why? Why am I depressed? My parents are married, I'm nearly through with my degree, I was in a loving relationship and surrounded by friends - what could go wrong? I can only assume it's a combination of all of the above. For sure, it's a heavy load. I plan to update this with statistics later, but for now, goodnight.
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