Dumped

Okay here's my last few days in a nutshell.

I said goodbye to my family, including my nana I will in all likelihood never see again, and my cousins whose formative years I will miss, which I regret.

I was informed that I have to move out of my place as soon as physically possible. I'm basically homeless from the time I get my shit out.

I caught a plane to an airport by myself after an amazing few days with these people and an emotional goodbye from my aunt, who I also miss the presence of like crazy.

At the airport the train I was meant to catch wasn't running so I caught a coach.  I texted my aunt who was expecting me at 12 to say I'd be there at 3 instead. She didn't get my message and didn't hear from me till quarter to 12 when I rang to confirm she'd gotten my message.

At this point my phone died and I was no longer able to access the Internet, send messages or make calls. I also couldn't receive calls.

So I got on this coach, which then ran an hour late due to the motorway and I had no way to let my family know - you know, the people coming to get me at noon.

Oh yeah so after finding out I lose my house, after trying to tell him about saying goodbye to someone I'll likely never see again, I was accused of making passes at my boyfriend's friend at a party that was held in February, FIVE MONTHS AGO. Rather than discuss this when I get home in a week my boyfriend proceeded to dump me over Facebook chat.

So in the last 48 hours I've said goodbye to family, become homeless and been dumped via social media.

Yeah I'm fucking over it.
I don't want it to ruin my holiday and it won't, but I think it's a pretty fucking brutal way to go about it. Like sure if it's not working break up. Absolutely. Here's what you do though, and you don't do.

You pick your time. Like not after being told you have to move out and saying goodbye to people you might never see again is good, but if you can manage that AND not do it at 6pm before dinner that's even better.

You don't find some big 3rd party emotive topic to fight about so you can segue smoothly into a breakup. Save the emotive stuff for later and just keep it to the point.

If your gf is like 7 days out from returning you may as well just wait but if you really can't maybe call? Or just as I said - not dump her during an argument you started. Goddamn.

I realise there's shit to talk about and if something isn't working it isn't working. But that doesn't mean it's okay to trample all over someone's feelings. Like I was accused of being dismissive. This was just total unacknowledgement and the way it was done came across as both juvenile and callous.

Could it gave waited one day? Could the party stuff have waited till I got back? It's waited five months, apparently.

But that said I've encountered insecurity after insecurity and this is another facet of it. My mates tell me he's being a piece of shit and I have backed him to the hilt every time. Yeah I might not have liked everything he's said or done but nobody else gets to make a value judgement on things between he and I.
The only way I'd take those things said to me about him to heart is if I already had doubts of my own - if I felt insecure or unhappy. As it stands (stood) I always without fail told people where they could take their negative opinions. I knew what was up.

I feel like I've been accused of something I can't defend myself from. You can't prove you weren't thinking something, that you didn't do something.
Makes it a pretty perfect excuse to get me angry, hurt and desperate to explain why it isn't, why it can't be true. Then suddenly, I can't deal with this! It's over!
Well, "this" was of your own making, which is exactly what you wanted. Start a fight, end a relationship. Classy.

I feel hurt and I feel betrayed. I feel like if this man says he loves me but just can't hack a relationship, then maybe he could have given me today, given me tomorrow to come to terms with what's going on around me. I don't think it's too much to ask.

And I think if you're going to make a girl cry, you deserve to have to watch. And SEE the impact your words have, the wounds left on her soul. It's so easy from a distance. That's why it shouldn't be from a distance.
I want him to look into my eyes and tell me that I'm lying about that night. I want him to SEE how much that hurts me. I want him to SEE how much this conduct has a real impact on a real person and he can't ignore it because it's behind a screen.
This is not how a friend would act.

And I have nowhere to go and nobody to talk to. But he knew that.

I'm going to find the perth boys in Cambridge and I'm going to get filthy drunk like I haven't all trip because he was worried about something happening. And I'm going to party harder than I ever have, just because I can. Because fuck your lies and your mind games. I'm hurt and the only way to win is not to play.