Yeah I didn't cook dinner.

Got to the pub, migraine got worse, messaged Jay to say I'd be asleep outside when he was done, he messaged back to say the bar was quiet and dimly lit so I went in. Jake came and met us, he looked really uncomfortable the whole time.

Something tells me it's not quite what he had in mind but that suits me just fine.

So my head got worse and worse til I could barely see, but the alcohol helped to knock the edge off it.

Jay and Andy disappeared to go get something from work and buy smokes or something, I don't even know. Jake walked me back to my car while we waited and he said he missed me, and I've been the only thing on my mind or some shit like that. I couldn't really concentrate at the time.

I didn't know what to say so I said nothing. He asked me if I missed him too and I can't remember what I said, I think I made a joke of it "oh you drift across my conscious mind occasionally, I guess."

I don't miss him, I don't even think of him that way. It annoys me that he does. Why do we have to make everything complicated? Why can't people just be friends and leave it there? Why do we make it so hard for ourselves?

He left and Andrew went off to find his car and go home, and Jay apologised for asking me to drive - if he'd known how much everything hurt he would have caught a taxi, I think. But I said I'd do it so I did.

He said Jake has it bad, and you could see it pretty clearly. Unfortunately I think he's right. Next time he's in Perth I'll have to do the right thing and have a chat about the fact that nothing is ever going to happen. I thought we had that clear but clearly things have changed for him.

At least I have a convenient excuse. I don't have to say something like "because three days of you in Perth is enough to have me daydreaming about removing your tonsils with a rusty nail" or "I'm sorry, I just don't see you that way, I mean I like you, but I don't like you" or some cliche bullshit like that. Instead I can roll with something that is entirely true, but also not the whole story - "I'm sorry, I'm not in the right place right now. I don't want to date. I just need a friend right now."
It's not untrue, and it's not a reflection on him. I don't have to be mean about it. It just is what it is.

I'm just frustrated that this has even happened. Why am I in this situation? I thought I had this sorted.
I thought it was all simple.

Sigh.

Jay and I are off to look at rats now. I want to call one Ratticus (unless I think of a better name) but he like Herman the Vermin. We'll see!