I feel so lost.

Having a great time and keeping busy but I just want everything to go back to normal.

I miss all the shit we used to do.

Saw my birthday thing was declined. I guess I knew that was coming but it's still a shame.

Would have been nice to have an endpoint to the feeling of being... I don't even know what I'm supposed to be in this situation.

I don't want to be the source of any pain.
I only want good things for him.

I guess it makes me a little sad that that's not the case.

But you know all I can do is what I can do which is respect the boundaries I've been set - that's why I left last night even though doing so made me want to claw my heart out of my chest. But it was the right thing to do. Downed some G&Ts and soldiered on.

Got dinner with Ed and Jay and dropped Ed home. His poor wrist :s it's at best a bad sprain but could well be fractured.
He's not happy with Michael haha.

My elbow has finally stopped going purple now. Considering its still been darkening and it happened Sunday it must have been a hell of a knock. Well I know it was, I hit my head too.

Sometimes I wish someone would hit me in the head again. And again and again.

I've been thinking about cutting lately. I don't like that.

I just don't like feeling like the object of bad feelings for someone I have only good feelings for.

I've been keeping busy and thinking about it less and less but last night really hit me.

I haven't cried so much since I saw him when I came back from overseas.

But it is what it is and I am what I am and what I am is happy.