this is a terrible mistake

I knew I should have gone with my gut, I knew it!

Last night after the cavalry left, he sent me a message saying he may as well have stayed over. No sir, you may as well not have, which is why I said it was time to go home.
And then after that, he messaged saying and I shit you not "well I'll probably stay tonight".

Ah mate, no. No you won't.

So angry at the PRESUMPTION. It wasn't even a question. I'm not sharing my bed. Nobody else is sleeping in my bed right now and I'm sure as hell not opening up the guest list. If he really, really wants to stay, then he can have the couch. I'm willing to bet that wasn't the intent. Not. Happening.

But I want his help tonight. It's only 9pm for fuck sake. There is no call for inviting yourself.... no. nonononono. It is not happening. I said that too.

For fuck sake why can't people just keep their shit simple. Nobody else is staying here, period.

I was annoyed when he invited himself around last night, but you know... wasn't a whole lot I could do. This is a whole other level of presumption that I'm very, very displeased with.

I choose who I share my space with and I choose carefully. That shit is a privilege. You don't get to decide that you're staying the night at anyone's house, but I think particularly a girl's house, in the same way you decide what you're eating for lunch.

So many things I wanted to say, but like some sort of idiot I stuck to "Is that what you think? I don't think so, I need to sleep off this insane sleep pattern".

You don't get to invite yourself because you're doing someone a favour. I'm not entering into this kind of friendship with someone I barely know. I am not and I will not. No. Felt like "well I'm going to be there anyway [because you needed me there] so therefore I might as well stay".
As in I'm doing this for you, so there's your end of the deal. NOPE.

It's bad enough the whole situation as it is, not having anyone stay, without the wrong person trying to I don't even know what. I'm not going to see him again I don't think, I'm not entering into this. There is only one person I want to be staying here and I'm not fucking allowing anybody into that space because that space is still mine to hold on to. That precedent is the one that has been set and the one I want to continue.

I should have listened to my goddamn gut feelings. I need to get this done tonight though. But if this guy thinks he can just invite himself round to my house at midnight and invite himself to stay the next night then he has another thing coming.
I have been straight up the whole time about where I stand, and especially since coming back to Perth that there are people I want in my life in a certain capacity if possible and that that is my priority.

And then I kind of think well Ash you've had friends stay before and that's been fine. And then I think to myself that was before. Since everything became official my bed was off limits for anyone else sleeping in it. The situation may have changed but that certainly isn't. My bed is a place where things happened with someone I love and nobody, NOBODY else is going to intrude on the way I feel when I sleep there by being there themselves.

So angry at myself right now. I should have gone with my gut, and now I'm kind of committed for him coming to scouts tonight. Well there's only one way this night ends and that's with me sharing the bed with my laptop as per weeknight usual. I just want to scream. I only want one person to invite themselves over for the night and until that happens, nobody else is coming anywhere near my room.

Fucking kill me before I kill someone else.