Today was another day.

I missed my class because I just couldn't get the motivation to go in to uni. I went to work til 9pm though so I can't say I did nothing all day.

The ache in my chest is still there but it's being replaced with a sigh. Shrodinger is still messing with my head but I'm happy to wait. I want to do this right.
The friendship is what's important to me now above all else. Anything else is a super bonus.

Michael made a few funny comments today and we did our fire experiment. Big win. Fire is always a win.

Talked about seeing my friends again when we visited "big school" to get moo the treat she missed out on yesterday because I picked her up right as cake was being served for some other kid's birthday.

I miss the company of someone who makes me laugh and feel safe but until then I want to go out and be as social as I can. It's hard for me and that's why I want to do it. I was never a social butterfly but I was never socially anxious either. Time to kick this thing in the butt. It'll be good for me.

Actually my biggest gripe right now is sex. I am so frustrated it's not funny. It's been what now, six weeks? Seven? I'm kind of annoyed my interests are specific to one person and I'm not into porn because seriously I could do that thing where it went for like an hour and a half or whatever it was. I'm going crazy over here!
Like for once in my life I feel like socially I'm on top of it but there's so much else I'd like to be on top of as well.

arghhhhhh

Saw there's another pole dancing comp coming up and toyed with the idea of going but it kind of feels like a "thing" now. Can't share that with anybody else! God knows what I'm supposed to do about GoT if we don't get back together. That first episode will be the saddest ever even if Tyrion punches everyone I dislike in the face.
To be honest why would I even go to a pole dancing contest without a partner in crime anyway. More frustration is NOT what I need right now.

So that's it for the deep and soulful reflections of Ash for now.
tl;dr I miss being close with one person and by close I don't mean hugging unless it's the special kind. I'd take any hugging actually. Or coffee. But hugging and coffee post special hugging sounds pretty ace.

Oh and I'm officially importing contraband into the country. Ordered an ecig off eBay, Juggs from contiki recommended me one. Was gonna get Scott to bring me one back from the eastern states but then nahhhh. It's on it's way! I'm done with smoking. I'm stressed and that doesn't help so the sooner I find something to help me kick it in the butt the better. #smuggler

Trying to use this incredibly sad and confusing (and frustrating) time to make good choices. From the ashes will rise a healthier (better looking and more socially well-rounded) phoenix.

But yeah, coffee. I don't even like coffee. But I could like coffee. I'd make an exception for coffee right about now. *sigh*